Weakness? Or power in weakness?

This verse is quite familiar, but I wonder how much many of us  REALLY believe it and how it affects our lives.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I don’t know about you, but I don’t generally come across people ‘boasting gladly in their weaknesses’. Weaknesses, in my experience, are generally viewed as such, in the church as much as elsewhere. But given that weaknesses are something that we all have (although without wanting to brag I suspect I may have some particularly large weaknesses…) Surely it would be to our advantage to consider this a little more. So, armed with a thorough knowledge of my own weaknesses and not a lot else to qualify me really to write my thoughts on this, I am going to do it anyway…because if my weaknesses can mean Christ’s power can rest on me in a greater way- then I am well up for that.

So…..a bit about my weaknesses. Well, maybe not all of them, let’s focus on my mental health. I have had depressive episodes and have recently been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Those things can look different in different people- in me, it can frequently mean very difficult thoughts and embarrassing physical reactions, but at other times I can be really well. I love God. Seriously. I really do. He is my everything. As for many years no-one knew a lot of the struggles I lived with inside my mind, I learnt to rely on God and depend on God more than I might have done without those issues. There have been times when I have been in very good places emotionally, and times when I have been in places of great darkness. I know that God has walked through all of that with me and despite the difficulties, I will not forget moments of desperation, lying in bed telling scriptures to myself because I know God was my only hope. More recently, things had improved. This was largely due to prayer, a very noteable difference was made after one particular prayer session. I did however also still need to continue with the medication. I knew it was still a work in progress. Yet I noticed I was feeling more comfortable again, less in a state of emergency. I was doing so much better. That is great isn’t it- I gave glory to God. But sometimes it didn’t seem enough. The difference was so huge it made a big difference to my life- places I could go, things I could do….it was astonishing and I knew it was God.  How could I ever express that?

Earlier this week I hit a blip. I collapsed, there were reactions again, another day I fainted, the gp has told me to stop driving….a family member said to my husband, “What happened? You phoned us up saying she had been healed.” Those sorts of things can feel discouraging. Sometimes they might feel confusing. This week God reminded me of a scripture that made all the difference to me.

1 Kings 17

17 Elijah the Tishbite, of the temporary residents of Gilead, said to Ahab, As the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, before Whom I stand, there shall not be dew or rain these years but according to My word.² And the word of the Lord came to him, saying,³ Go from here and turn east and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, east of the Jordan.⁴ You shall drink of the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there.⁵ So he did according to the word of the Lord; he went and dwelt by the brook Cherith, east of the Jordan.⁶ And the ravens brought him bread and flesh in the morning and bread and flesh in the evening, and he drank of the brook.⁷ After a while the brook dried up because there was no rain in the land.⁸ And the word of the Lord came to him:⁹ Arise, go to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and dwell there. Behold, I have commanded a widow there to provide for you.¹⁰ So he arose and went to Zarephath. When he came to the gate of the city, behold, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her, Bring me a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.¹¹ As she was going to get it, he called to her and said, Bring me a morsel of bread in your hand.¹² And she said, As the Lord your God lives, I have not a loaf baked but only a handful of meal in the jar and a little oil in the bottle. See, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and bake it for me and my son, that we may eat it—and die.¹³ Elijah said to her, Fear not; go and do as you have said. But make me a little cake of [it] first and bring it to me, and afterward prepare some for yourself and your son.¹⁴ For thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: The jar of meal shall not waste away or the bottle of oil fail until the day that the Lord sends rain on the earth.¹⁵ She did as Elijah said. And she and he and her household ate for many days.¹⁶ The jar of meal was not spent nor did the bottle of oil fail, according to the word which the Lord spoke through Elijah.

This scripture reminded me of how much I need to rely on God. It spoke to me that God would provide my needs each day, every day, as it is needed until the situations change. That is all I need to know. I can keep on glorifying my glorious God. It reminded me that that is living depending on him. I found it interesting that Jesus tells us to pray “Give us this day our daily bread” and here I was being reminded he would do exactly that, it is what he does. I found it interesting that the flour for bread and the oil could represent the word of God and the spirit, and considered how I can feed on all I need to in him through his word and spirit… and actually I thought a great deal of things could be represented in that of all the good things he can and will pour out as it is needed, as I keep returning in faith at that time, when it is needed.  I wonder if God is reminding me, teaching me again how to rely on him, make it a life pattern that will not fade or change when things improve. Later I considered Elijah, being fed morning and night by the birds. I am pretty sure I would scorn that option if that was presented to me today….because I have a wealth of food around me, in the shops, restaurants and at homes….but Elijah wasn’t scorning God’s provision because he knew what it was to need what God was giving him. If we know how much we need God, in every circumstance, if we rely on him, his word and his spirit every day, moment by moment, as if our lives depend on it….how will that affect us. But what i really find interesting is- can we do that and set up good patterns in our life in those times when we are faced so clearly with our weaknesses, but grab the lessons we learn from that and make them life choices, life skills.

So- as I consider that verse, today I feel excited. I am excited because God knows I have weaknesses, but he is not counting me out because of them. He is not even saying  I will only be worth something when I am fully healed (as I still believe I will one day be) but rather, I know he has lessons he wants to teach me, how to live so that his power can be made perfect in my weakness. Well I’m up for that. Who wouldn’t be?!