I had my diagnoses confirmed by an nhs psychiatrist recently: Dissociative disorder, somatic symptom disorder, anxiety disorder, non epileptic attack disorder, tourettes with ocd traits, borderline personality disorder…. It’s quite a list isn’t it.

So I guess I have to come to terms with the fact that I am officially someone with complex mental health issues. I watch hopes and dreams die, watch my world shrink as I am able to do less and see less people than ever…. people become just names on facebook..but life goes on and I take each day at a time, adjusting and coping with what each day brings. I focus a lot on my children, on being the best I can be for them and on their everday needs. But what about the bigger questions? Can I improve? Will I be mentally stable? Will I work again? Can I be in a church community? How do I become the best of myself? Is there still hope for me? Is there a future for me?

I don’t know the answers. I know at one stage I would have found hope in verses like “I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to give you a hope and a future….” I don’t know what I think any more. I hope there is still hope for me. I hope there is a future for me. I’m not sure how to reach it.

Answers on a postcard….