Trust

Today I have clearly seen myself, battling with dark and self condemning thoughts and despair, wondering what I need to do now…as if I move from strive to give up and back and forth again. I still haven’t grasped it have I. Well, I think I may be moving closer-learning. I read one of Joyce Meters devotionals today. I liked it, she focussed on 2 chronicles 20:3-4,7,12. ” Then Jehosophat feared, and set himself (determidly,as his vital need) to seek the Lord; he proclaimed a fast in all Judah…..we have no might to stand against this great company that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.” Sometimes I still fall into looking at people, or what I need to make happen…I need to surrender that and trust God. And it might not always be about having faith to see things change yesterday, and getting frustrated when that doesn’t happen. What about the place of learning in this, being changed through this, and God’s timing and way. I must learn He is in charge and know that bringing me peace. We listened to a sermon today in the car, it encouraged me, reminded me of a few things: resting and being still and trusting God, the long term perspective of what God is doing, and a desire to handle this the best way, so it can be used for good. Yes, sometimes my thoughts tell me I am all sorts of dreadful things, some of which may be true. But the point is to take my eyes off me and look to God.
James 1 was encouraging too…what God can use difficult times for. Stay focussed. It isn’t about me. It is about my amazing God.